I walked into my first OBGYN appointment with a very "whatever" attitude. I have done this two times before, in two years. I know the old rigmarole, I got this. I made my first appointment at 11 weeks pregnant. Reason being, I was sick of the excitement of wanting an ultrasound to see my babies and ALWAYS having to wait. The first trimester is "Weight, blood pressure, how are you". Little did I know, this appointment was different.
I want to start off by saying, not complaining (although, I have done much of that this go around), this pregnancy has been wickedly hard. I have been nauseous ALL day long and fatigued to an extreme. I have two little guys at home, which has been the excuse of the degree of this exhaustion and sickness. Rocky is two, and Kolbe is 10 months. I have always heard the saying, "The more sick you are, the healthier baby is". Little did I know what I was in for.
I get called back after 25 minutes in the waiting room (you mommies know what I am talking about) only to have my vitals taken and wait another 15 minutes for a nurse. The nurse comes in and tries to find a heart beat with no success. She assures me that everything is fine and it is still early. She goes to get another nurse who has the same problem. They tell me that my midwife will be coming in to try her luck. After my awesome midwife comes in, I feel a bit at ease, but that lasts only a short time before I get bad news... no heart beat, again. I am beyond scared, trying to put on a brave face, feeling so sad that my husband couldn't be at this appointment (he was watching the rascals and this is one of the first he missed). Everyone leaves the room after my midwife tells me that she is getting the Dr. for an ultrasound.
I was calm and trying to put my mind to rest. I kept on reflecting on God's will. If it was his will that I lose this baby, I could deal with it, I was strong. I got very scared when I texted my parents to have them pray. Putting it writing like that made it all the more real. When my midwife poked her head in after 20 minutes of waiting she asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I had my happy brave face on. My husband texted wanting to know how everything was going. I told him the situation and told him that I would keep him posted.
After almost an hour of waiting for the doctor, I was able to go to the ultrasound room. The doctor asked if I had anyone with me... then it hit me... I had made plans as to how I was going to walk out of the building through the back so as not to scare or disturb anyone in the waiting room. I was planning to drive somewhere and cry and have my husband drop the kids off and meet me.
He started in and I thought I saw the baby... wait, babies? The doctor told me everything was fine and that both babies were fine. Progressing perfectly, each with their own sac and placenta. I was so happy my babies were fine and so sad my husband had missed seeing them jumping around and moving.
I left and called him immediately. "Everything is fine, but I have to tell you something big"... "No..."... "We are having TWINS". My amazingly stable husband laughed and was so supportive. I thought he would freak out, but I guess three pregnancies in three years will get you used to baby news. I was right.
You see, this whole pregnancy, I was convinced that I was having twins. I was extra sick and tired (everyone blamed it on having two toddlers while being pregnant), but I was also showing VERY early (everyone said that with each new pregnancy, I would show a little sooner). I even told my midwife when she asked if I had any concerns (she looked at me like, "oh honey..."). I just knew.
Now, I talk a lot about my wonderful husband. He is strong, calm, loving, and the greatest father. He is agnostic and has always said that he only wants three. Four is chaos, Theresa, I can't do it. My being Catholic throws a little kink in his plan. I always joked that we would get to the third pregnancy and God would give us twins to prove his existence... seriously?
We have a million worries. How will I continue grad school (which I have to if I want to keep my job)? What type of car will we get? How are we going to afford it all? Does this mean our plan to be out of debt in five is a lost cause?
With all the questions, one thing remains. Our love, paired with God's awesome gift of life... or lives... has awarded us the opportunity to get four souls to heaven, to be selfless in sharing our love for each other with our children, to live a crazy life. I am blessed beyond belief and now I will try to make it to adoration today to praise God for his gifts.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, June 4, 2012
Distraction Parenting
While I am only a mother of two... welp, actually three with my little Bubbles in the belly... I think that I have made a common mistake in parenting. I have chosen to be a "distraction parent" more times than I would like to admit.
While I love teaching my children lessons by experience, sometimes while "distraction parenting" I choose to take them away from a situation rather than have them learn from it.
This happens when Rocky is throwing an awful temper tantrum in the store and I look for the nearest exit or try to find the little carton of goldfish in the check out lane. I truly am only trying to be a thoughtful patron, however, I know that being a thoughtful patron is not nearly as important as teaching my child that the grocery is not the time nor the place to throw a fit.
I look to my mother and father for wisdom in parenting because of this. She was not afraid to handle our behavior on the spot. Yes, she was probably VERY embarrassed of our actions and wanted to run us out of the store, but she stuck the course and was able to teach us proper behavior in public.
I also look to the example of my father. He always took us to restaurants, even from the time we were infants. This now is thought of as an inconvenience instead of a much needed learning experience. There may have been one or AT THE MOST two times that we acted out. I am sure that there were times when my father was embarrassed, very few because he was strict. The point was that we knew that Dad would make us leave, we wouldn't get an awesome dessert, and we would have 5 other kids mad at us for losing this privilege for them. My sister and brothers were very helpful in making me who I am today because of their guilt trips if one got the others in trouble. Needless to say, we ALWAYS behaved in public because of these helpful experiences.
I look at my siblings today and see that my parents did something right because we all turned out pretty great, hard working, loving, and spiritual adults (I will deny this when I am mad at a sibling for doing something dumb). I guess what I am getting at is that the only lessons that make great adults are the hard ones. We shouldn't be scared to parent in fear of being "too mean".
I will end with a quote that my dad used when talking about doing the right thing even if it wasn't the most popular, "Big men become big by doing things they don't want to do when they don't want to do it because they know it's right".
While I love teaching my children lessons by experience, sometimes while "distraction parenting" I choose to take them away from a situation rather than have them learn from it.
This happens when Rocky is throwing an awful temper tantrum in the store and I look for the nearest exit or try to find the little carton of goldfish in the check out lane. I truly am only trying to be a thoughtful patron, however, I know that being a thoughtful patron is not nearly as important as teaching my child that the grocery is not the time nor the place to throw a fit.
I look to my mother and father for wisdom in parenting because of this. She was not afraid to handle our behavior on the spot. Yes, she was probably VERY embarrassed of our actions and wanted to run us out of the store, but she stuck the course and was able to teach us proper behavior in public.
I also look to the example of my father. He always took us to restaurants, even from the time we were infants. This now is thought of as an inconvenience instead of a much needed learning experience. There may have been one or AT THE MOST two times that we acted out. I am sure that there were times when my father was embarrassed, very few because he was strict. The point was that we knew that Dad would make us leave, we wouldn't get an awesome dessert, and we would have 5 other kids mad at us for losing this privilege for them. My sister and brothers were very helpful in making me who I am today because of their guilt trips if one got the others in trouble. Needless to say, we ALWAYS behaved in public because of these helpful experiences.
I look at my siblings today and see that my parents did something right because we all turned out pretty great, hard working, loving, and spiritual adults (I will deny this when I am mad at a sibling for doing something dumb). I guess what I am getting at is that the only lessons that make great adults are the hard ones. We shouldn't be scared to parent in fear of being "too mean".
I will end with a quote that my dad used when talking about doing the right thing even if it wasn't the most popular, "Big men become big by doing things they don't want to do when they don't want to do it because they know it's right".
Thursday, May 17, 2012
My Husband
I know my husband would kill me if he knew this was up (good thing he hates blogs and therefore never reads mine!). I cannot resist to describe the reality of my life. Matthew and I are blessed with children. He, however, is not so blessed to work the night shift (10pm-4am). I work as a teacher (7am-4pm). Now, some might think this could work easily... that is, until they realize that he watches the kids in, somewhat of a "Daddy Daycare" situation.He wakes up with the boys at 7am when I go to work and might, if he is really lucky, get a nap in during the time he is with them. I get home at 4pm and we have a fifteen minute chat until he has to go to sleep. He goes to bed and wakes up at 9pm to shower and shave before work. He leaves for work and returns at 4am to eat and get an hour of sleep before it starts all over again.
Some might think, "Whoa, what a devoted father and husband"... but the story does not end there.On the weekends (his one time to sleep a full 7 hours), he usually wakes up and wants to hang out with me! Lucky girl, I am! He actually chooses me over sleep, his friends, his music (which I know he loves dearly), and anything else... this is why we work. He puts me number one on his list and I put him just the same on mine.
I am more lucky than anyone can imagine... But it doesn't end there!
My husband is agnostic (he knows that he doesn't know), yet he takes myself and our children to mass every Sunday. He also works hard to understand my views on life and reproduction and follow them for my sake... if that is not true love (sacrificing for the good of the other), I do not know what is.
He is the best man in the world... I won't post this to facebook because he is a humble and modest guy, but I will tell whoever reads this, girls should strive to get what I have got... Love
Sunday, April 29, 2012
THE Church
After reading a blog about how Pope Benedict has revealed that the church will become small, it is of no surprise to me. I say this because it is easier, on the surface, the stry from the church because of the "harsh requirements". It is easier to focus on the "unattainable" moral code that The Faith suggests. However, in looking at my own life, one thing rings true. In moments of weakness I have so much distain for my negative behavior, that I try to ignore it all together and project my responsibility on others.
When I got pregnant with my second baby, six months, mind you, after my first son, Rocky was born, I immedicately said that something needed to be done. I could not be catholic anymore if it meant that I had to have a kid every year. I was going to get myself "taken care of" or my husband would.
The first thing I did was talk to my colleagues at school (who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear). They, out of love for me and worry about my pain), told me that "God would understand". Now do not get this twisted, I love my colleagues with my whole self. I work with the best teachers in the world, but I know what I believe and I purposely asked someone who opposed what I believe to make MYSELF feel better.
I then talked to my sister. Her reaction was opposite. In fact, her reaction was to call me selfish and hang up on me (later we would laugh about this and how it didn't have anything to do with our relationship, but what we were each dealing with at that time). This made me even more mad at my "Strict, Mean, Old, Angry Church".
I knew in my heart that I needed to be guided by someone who was well-versed in the faith. Now, my faith was weak, but through that weakness, God was able to worm his way in how he thankfully has done everytime my doubt gets the best of me. I met with our parish priest at the time, Fr. Mark of Christ the Kind Cathedral. I went without Matthew, my husband, because he works third shift and needed to get some sleep. I went in hopes that Fr. Mark would give me the answer I wanted to hear (which is the case with most in spiritual disarray). He, instead, gave me the answer I needed to hear. "The church is very straight forward about life issues and always has been". He gave me another priest to meet with if I had further questions and also gave me "Humanae Vitae" to read. His advice was to start a stronger devotion to Mary, the mother of God. To pray that through the Blessed Mother, I would recieve strength to follow the truth, which is not always the easiest path.
I met with the next priest with my husband. I went in with a hardened heart. Angry and almost faithless in my Church, who had "wronged me" by not making it okay to do something wrong, I walked in. We talked and the flood gates opened. I was crying uncontrollably and later, I would realize that this was because I already knew my answer. I left with the heavy realization that I knew what had to be done.... I had to trust in the everpresent and omniscent God that I loved so dearly and just didn't want to disappoint.
My devotion to the Blessed Mother continued as I prayed the rosary to and from work everyday, as Fr. Mark suggested. Through her intercession, my heart was softened, and I started to have some extra faith in God. Through God's mother, I was brought back to the Lord I so love. During this time, before the birth of my son, my mindset did a 180. I was able to realize that God's plan is better than my own. That I should work with God's gift of my fertility to faithfully and prayerfully TRY my BEST to follow him through HIS will. I finally realized that if I truly believe he is all knowing, all loving and all deserving of my love, he also knows best for me. It was finally about HIM.
The point I am trying to make is that I was a "strict" catholic and I struggled deeply with The Faith. In reality, I struggled with my own conscience and relationship with God. It wasn't easy to follow his path for me in regards to sexuality and reproduction, but I tried. I am still trying. It is a constant struggle to work with God and to lovingly follow his guiding light for me. I will always struggle, but it is the fires of that struggle on Earth, that I come out purified and renewed with MY GOD in HEAVEN. My Lord and My God, I love thee!
God with God, Ya'll! hahaha!
When I got pregnant with my second baby, six months, mind you, after my first son, Rocky was born, I immedicately said that something needed to be done. I could not be catholic anymore if it meant that I had to have a kid every year. I was going to get myself "taken care of" or my husband would.
The first thing I did was talk to my colleagues at school (who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear). They, out of love for me and worry about my pain), told me that "God would understand". Now do not get this twisted, I love my colleagues with my whole self. I work with the best teachers in the world, but I know what I believe and I purposely asked someone who opposed what I believe to make MYSELF feel better.
I then talked to my sister. Her reaction was opposite. In fact, her reaction was to call me selfish and hang up on me (later we would laugh about this and how it didn't have anything to do with our relationship, but what we were each dealing with at that time). This made me even more mad at my "Strict, Mean, Old, Angry Church".
I knew in my heart that I needed to be guided by someone who was well-versed in the faith. Now, my faith was weak, but through that weakness, God was able to worm his way in how he thankfully has done everytime my doubt gets the best of me. I met with our parish priest at the time, Fr. Mark of Christ the Kind Cathedral. I went without Matthew, my husband, because he works third shift and needed to get some sleep. I went in hopes that Fr. Mark would give me the answer I wanted to hear (which is the case with most in spiritual disarray). He, instead, gave me the answer I needed to hear. "The church is very straight forward about life issues and always has been". He gave me another priest to meet with if I had further questions and also gave me "Humanae Vitae" to read. His advice was to start a stronger devotion to Mary, the mother of God. To pray that through the Blessed Mother, I would recieve strength to follow the truth, which is not always the easiest path.
I met with the next priest with my husband. I went in with a hardened heart. Angry and almost faithless in my Church, who had "wronged me" by not making it okay to do something wrong, I walked in. We talked and the flood gates opened. I was crying uncontrollably and later, I would realize that this was because I already knew my answer. I left with the heavy realization that I knew what had to be done.... I had to trust in the everpresent and omniscent God that I loved so dearly and just didn't want to disappoint.
My devotion to the Blessed Mother continued as I prayed the rosary to and from work everyday, as Fr. Mark suggested. Through her intercession, my heart was softened, and I started to have some extra faith in God. Through God's mother, I was brought back to the Lord I so love. During this time, before the birth of my son, my mindset did a 180. I was able to realize that God's plan is better than my own. That I should work with God's gift of my fertility to faithfully and prayerfully TRY my BEST to follow him through HIS will. I finally realized that if I truly believe he is all knowing, all loving and all deserving of my love, he also knows best for me. It was finally about HIM.
The point I am trying to make is that I was a "strict" catholic and I struggled deeply with The Faith. In reality, I struggled with my own conscience and relationship with God. It wasn't easy to follow his path for me in regards to sexuality and reproduction, but I tried. I am still trying. It is a constant struggle to work with God and to lovingly follow his guiding light for me. I will always struggle, but it is the fires of that struggle on Earth, that I come out purified and renewed with MY GOD in HEAVEN. My Lord and My God, I love thee!
God with God, Ya'll! hahaha!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Trying to Find the Good
I pack of both kiddos after a quick small dinner and head to City County Park. Making some children's day is on my mind. I drive over anticipating the smiles I will see on their faces. After unpacking our double stroller, and placing both boys in, I get started on my trek to the soccer fields. Some of my students asked me to come see them play their games.
Two under is interesting to say the least. It is busy and hectic.... and completely worth it. They both keep their smiles on until the very end of the game when Rocky starts heading to the swings, completely determined to "sweenin'". He loves the swings and playing with others kids.
On our way, Rocky passes a family and starts to talk to their son. It looks like he may want to go home with them. They are kind and we laugh, as passing parents usually do. We get to the swings and start with Rocky and Kolbe's favorite activity (I swear they could swing for hours). Then I see a woman with a two year old who is telling her friends that she has taught her son to fight and he can "scrap" with kids who are older than him. This all happened because of another boy chasing him (by the way, they were totally playing around).
I guess I am just astounded at the lack of good parenting there is sometimes. Look, I am not saying I am a saint... but, seriously? I try my hardest to always show my kids what you should do and how Jesus would act (as cheesy as that sounds). When did we lose the manners and respect that the previous generation had. When did we stop holding doors for the elderly, smiling at people who look at you instead of wanting to "scrap" with them? When did we all become so self indulgent that we think we are the only ones that matter and therefore, everyone else can go pound sand?
I just wish that, as a teacher, we could break this awful cycle of raising hellions and then wondering why they are so bad.
Two under is interesting to say the least. It is busy and hectic.... and completely worth it. They both keep their smiles on until the very end of the game when Rocky starts heading to the swings, completely determined to "sweenin'". He loves the swings and playing with others kids.
On our way, Rocky passes a family and starts to talk to their son. It looks like he may want to go home with them. They are kind and we laugh, as passing parents usually do. We get to the swings and start with Rocky and Kolbe's favorite activity (I swear they could swing for hours). Then I see a woman with a two year old who is telling her friends that she has taught her son to fight and he can "scrap" with kids who are older than him. This all happened because of another boy chasing him (by the way, they were totally playing around).
I guess I am just astounded at the lack of good parenting there is sometimes. Look, I am not saying I am a saint... but, seriously? I try my hardest to always show my kids what you should do and how Jesus would act (as cheesy as that sounds). When did we lose the manners and respect that the previous generation had. When did we stop holding doors for the elderly, smiling at people who look at you instead of wanting to "scrap" with them? When did we all become so self indulgent that we think we are the only ones that matter and therefore, everyone else can go pound sand?
I just wish that, as a teacher, we could break this awful cycle of raising hellions and then wondering why they are so bad.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
And Then We Were Four
Alrighty... after a long hiatus, I am coming back into the blogging world. I am very blessed to be sharing the news of our newest addition, Kolbe Michael Reynolds. He was born August 28, 2011 weighing in at 7lbs. 11 oz. and measuring 20.25 in. Wow, we are a very blessed family.
In other news, I am thinking about giving up my profession in teaching. I went into this feild for all the right reasons. I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to help facilitate learning but, moreover, help encourage a love of learning and a love of reading in each of my students. Now, having to turn in assignments because I am a new teacher, paired with having to go back to school and spend money I don't have for a degree that I don't really want has hardened my love of teaching. I, unfortunately, do not have an extra $10, 000 to get my master's degree in the next seven years. I also decided to start my family (which is the most important thing in the world to me) so I do not have tons of time in my day to work on homework or go to class.
I am very tired of being judged as a teacher by test scores. I am not judged on the overall success of my students, their drive to learn, their compassion, or what goes on in my classroom. For this reason, I am bitter at my career, at the moment. I should have wanted to become a teacher to get high test scores for my students, huh?
Well, enough ranting for one day... Now, back to enjoying my sleeping son, Rocky, and my spitting up son, Kolbe, while Daddy sleeps to get ready for work tonight.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Family Ties
My sister just got engaged! I am so happy for her. The wedding will be in June and I will have just given birth two weeks prior. I cannot believe how quickly our lives are changing.
After a disappointing blow at work, it is good to have so many blessings that can distract me. I love my family (especially little Matti in utero) and my wonderful students at school. Lucky in love, family, and friends... and aren't those the most important?
After a disappointing blow at work, it is good to have so many blessings that can distract me. I love my family (especially little Matti in utero) and my wonderful students at school. Lucky in love, family, and friends... and aren't those the most important?
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