The Day My Life Changed Forever

I walked into my first OBGYN appointment with a very "whatever" attitude. I have done this two times before, in two years. I know the old rigmarole, I got this. I made my first appointment at 11 weeks pregnant. Reason being, I was sick of the excitement of wanting an ultrasound to see my babies and ALWAYS having to wait. The first trimester is "Weight, blood pressure, how are you". Little did I know, this appointment was different.

I want to start off by saying, not complaining (although, I have done much of that this go around), this pregnancy has been wickedly hard. I have been nauseous ALL day long and fatigued to an extreme. I have two little guys at home, which has been the excuse of the degree of this exhaustion and sickness. Rocky is two, and Kolbe is 10 months. I have always heard the saying, "The more sick you are, the healthier baby is". Little did I know what I was in for.

I get called back after 25 minutes in the waiting room (you mommies know what I am talking about) only to have my vitals taken and wait another 15 minutes for a nurse. The nurse comes in and tries to find a heart beat with no success. She assures me that everything is fine and it is still early. She goes to get another nurse who has the same problem. They tell me that my midwife will be coming in to try her luck. After my awesome midwife comes in, I feel a bit at ease, but that lasts only a short time before I get bad news... no heart beat, again. I am beyond scared, trying to put on a brave face, feeling so sad that my husband couldn't be at this appointment (he was watching the rascals and this is one of the first he missed). Everyone leaves the room after my midwife tells me that she is getting the Dr. for an ultrasound.

I was calm and trying to put my mind to rest. I kept on reflecting on God's will. If it was his will that I lose this baby, I could deal with it, I was strong. I got very scared when I texted my parents to have them pray. Putting it writing like that made it all the more real. When my midwife poked her head in after 20 minutes of waiting she asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I had my happy brave face on. My husband texted wanting to know how everything was going. I told him the situation and told him that I would keep him posted.

After almost an hour of waiting for the doctor, I was able to go to the ultrasound room. The doctor asked if I had anyone with me... then it hit me... I had made plans as to how I was going to walk out of the building through the back so as not to scare or disturb anyone in the waiting room. I was planning to drive somewhere and cry and have my husband drop the kids off and meet me.

He started in and I thought I saw the baby... wait, babies? The doctor told me everything was fine and that both babies were fine. Progressing perfectly, each with their own sac and placenta. I was so happy my babies were fine and so sad my husband had missed seeing them jumping around and moving.

I left and called him immediately. "Everything is fine, but I have to tell you something big"... "No..."... "We are having TWINS". My amazingly stable husband laughed and was so supportive. I thought he would freak out, but I guess three pregnancies in three years will get you used to baby news. I was right.

You see, this whole pregnancy, I was convinced that I was having twins. I was extra sick and tired (everyone blamed it on having two toddlers while being pregnant), but I was also showing VERY early (everyone said that with each new pregnancy, I would show a little sooner). I even told my midwife when she asked if I had any concerns (she looked at me like, "oh honey..."). I just knew.

Now, I talk a lot about my wonderful husband. He is strong, calm, loving, and the greatest father. He is agnostic and has always said that he only wants three. Four is chaos, Theresa, I can't do it. My being Catholic throws a little kink in his plan. I always joked that we would get to the third pregnancy and God would give us twins to prove his existence... seriously?

We have a million worries. How will I continue grad school (which I have to if I want to keep my job)? What type of car will we get? How are we going to afford it all? Does this mean our plan to be out of debt in five is a lost cause?

With all the questions, one thing remains. Our love, paired with God's awesome gift of life... or lives... has awarded us the opportunity to get four souls to heaven, to be selfless in sharing our love for each other with our children, to live a crazy life. I am blessed beyond belief and now I will try to make it to adoration today to praise God for his gifts.