12 Takes for 2012

1. This year I was able to accept others kindness and love with an open heart. I was able to accept help and gifts from generous people without thinking their help and gifts were because I "needed" it.

 

2. My husband is amazing. Whether he was planning/implementing my Baby Moon, taking over with the boys and the house, he did it with love and this showed me that he knows how hard it was for me to let some of these things go and let him take over. It helps that he knows my love language of acts of service! ;)

 

3. My boys are becoming best friends who choose to hang out with each other. Sure they fight, but usually they show really care for one another.

 

4. Zoe Darlene

 

 

5. Molly Maria

 

 

6. My wonderful siblings who are So caring. It is so good to have such a big family so that when you are mad at one of them, you have others to lean on.

 

7. My sister, Katie, who has taken on the role of mentor for me. She has helped me let go and realize that accepting others' kindness is allowing them to act on behalf of the Lord. My sister, Mary, for her constant support. We are VERY similar (with home/financial/marriage/children). This helps us to encourage one another and be a sound board for complaints and compliments. My sister, Annie. She is such a bright light of joy. Her caring and understanding personality makes her accepting of all and helps teach me to do the same.

 

8. My parents for their help this year. They helped us to buy our new van because of the generosity. They will never know how much I need them (even though I don't show it) or love them. I am amazed by their life together and they help me to make positive decisions in regards to my marriage and family.

 

9. My in-laws. They have done so much to make sure our transition to twins was positive and easy. They made sure that we did not have to worry about the unimportant things in order that we focus on what truly matters most... our family.

 

10. My job. I have a true family in the school I work at. They are amazing. They even cared enough to set up a "diaper fund" for us because we have 4 under three and they are all in diapers! Not to mention my awesome 4th grade teammates who have taken the reigns while I baked the twins. I did not EVER have to worry about school while I was off work.

 

11. My church. For encouraging me to make hard decisions because they are right. To always allow me to make my own decisions but reminds me to NEVER make excuses to justify making the wrong decisions. I have a church that has withstood the test of time. I have a church that I am in love with and that makes COMPLETE sense. It doesn't change with the times and it is not popular. Anything worth doing is probably going to be difficult.

 

12. Dave Ramsey. He has made an impact on my family's mentality of money and debt. He has made me a financially responsible person who is prepared for things to not go as planned (i.e. pregnant with twins!). Now it is difficult to walk into Target knowing that I cannot even buy the top on sale for $5.98, but it is good to know I have control over knowing what is truly a need and what is most definitely a want.

 

Happy New Year!

The TMI Labor Post...

Well, it has officially been 6 days since the birth of my little miracles. Zoe Darlene was born first at 1:36 pm weighing in at 5lbs. 7 oz. and 18 in. long. Molly Maria was born second at 1:51 pm. She was the exact same weight and length as her sister.

I got my epidural early (Oh, yeah!). At around 1:15 my midwife (Nancy Shirey=amazing) told me I was 100% effaced and 7 cm. dialated. She said she would come back in a bit after she made arrangements for her appointments and did a couple of things. Two minutes after she left the room, I turned to my mother-in-law and asked her to get Nancy because they were coming... and VERY fast!

Nancy came back in and we started to the operating room. I had to give birth in the OR because of the potential to have a c-section (something that might break me with a two year old and one year old at home). We got in the room and I started to get prepped to push. My amazing husband stood by my side calming me and telling me how amazing I was. My epidural was allowing me to feel. This made pushing a bit easier because I could feel more of what I was doing. I pushed little Zoe out after she got stuck for what seemed like an awfully painful eternity. Then came Molly. She had turned breech while Zoe made her way out. My midwife knew that I did not want a c-section if I could help it because of the recovery I would face. She called in another doctor (Barry Campbell) who does breech extractions. He was about to go into another surgery but popped in to save my LIFE! He used the ultrasound machine to grab Molly by the feet and pull her out. This one was scary and could have been bad, but, thank God, things went well. The AMAZING news is that I did not need an episiotomy so my healing was insanely different. Although I had immense contractions after the birth (my uterus shrinking to its once small size) this only lasted two more days after we were released. God is good and knew that I could only handle so much. Throughout this whole pregnancy, even with everyone telling me how insane we were for having 4 under three, I knew God would provide. I have such faith in my God and I know he will provide, if I do my best and pray for guidance.

Matthew and I took advantage of the nurseryso that we could enjoy going home and be comletely well rested and ready to make Christmas memories. We came home and the boys reactions were priceless. My mom and mother-in-law were there and I couldn't have been happier.

These past three days at home have been a blessing. The ease at which we made this transition is unbelieveable. My husband is the best swaddler is the world and participates 100% because he WANTS to be involved and share this gift of crazy responsibility. I am overcome and my cup runneth over. He is, in SO many ways, like St. Joseph. Providing for the Blessed Mother and Jesus without any regard to himself.

Reflections On What It Is To Have Twins

1. Being able to buy your children things does not guarantee they will be good people. This is hard for many to understand. In our society, people think if you don't pay for college for your children, you are not a good parent. Being a parent means nurturing and loving your child. Teaching them how to be loving and encouraging to ALL. Teaching them to never judge others and to instill in them patience. Putting food on the table and clothes on their backs is a must but going out to eat all the time and eating brand name food is not.

2. Cooking two is WAY different than cooking one. It is VERY painful toward the end. I am complaining more (which I have been very diligent about not doing this pregnancy). I can barely walk. When I do feel only a little pain, I tend to be too active (which I pay for the next day). I have terrible restless leg during the night and can rarely sleep.

3. It is VERY humbling. I have had to accept a lot of help that I normally would rather die than accept. I am a firm believer in taking care of things on your own and only asking for help when you absolutely NEED it. Asking my husband to get the roll that has fallen at my feet because I am in too much pain to bend down is humbling to say the least. Not being able to go anywhere with the boys (walks, the mall, over to their cousins' to play, etc.) is terrible. Having to deal with a messy house or laundry piling up is not fun either. It makes it easier when your kind hearted mother-in-law or sister come over to bring a meal and a conversation.

4. If you have a GREAT husband, it is easier. Luckily, I was blessed with an amazing man. One who consistently talks about how wonderful I am (even though I am crazy). One who chooses to drive our family van instead of our car because he likes it. A man who gets upset at me when he thinks I do too much. Someone who does his best to take on ALL of the household responsibilities because I am worthless. And a guy, who chooses to fore go his activities (watching football, making music, hanging out with friends) because he genuinely likes his family best and wants to be with us.

5. I have the most AMAZING sons. They keep themselves entertained while Mama relaxes (or tries to) on the couch. They keep fighting to a minimum because they know Mama is not doing well. They comfort me by asking "You okay, Mama" and scratching my back while I am bent over a toilet. They offer me water when I am sad and then ask "You feel better, Mama". My sons comfort me when I am whining about how sore I am or what pain I am in.

6. I cannot wait to have these twins so that I can get sleep (sounds crazy but from cramping to restless leg, I get almost none) and be able to walk in the land of the living and not stay couped up in our house during gloomy and dark winter months!

7 Quick Takes at 34 Weeks

1.

We went to the doctor yesterday because the previous night I was having HORRIBLE cramping. Everything looks A-Okay... Good for the girls but sad for me! I also found out that I passed the 20 lbs mark for weight gain... always a fun experience.The girls are head down! This means that my chance of a c-section is smaller! I am so happy because giving birth is interesting and awesome.

2.

I am so thankful to my family. I can count on them for ANYTHING! My sister and mother-in-law have been taking turns making meals for our family. This has been unreal and extremely helpful considering my control freak, perfectionist atiitude and the fact that I need to be resting on the couch ALL DAY.

3.

This brings me to my husband. He has had to take over with the boys, house, and taking care of me, as well. This is not an easy task. It is especially hard when he knows what a control freak I am and that I am thinking about how much faster I could do things or how much more efficient I could be. This is sometimes the case (because, again, I am a control freak, perfectionist, ungrateful person soemtimes) but, mostly, it is NOT TRUE AT ALL. I cannot believe all he has done for us.

4.

I love that my child wears the dinosaur hat that his cousin let him borrow ALL DAY long. He looks so sweet!

5.

I need to get more prayer in during this Advent season. I notice that I am more judgemental and irritable when I am not praying the way I should (also, I am 3985 weeks pregnant and EXTREMELY uncomfortable). Time to crack down and get some Jesus in my life! lol.

6.

I am embarassed at how much I play the Facebook game "Bubble Witch".

7.

I hate the Kroger giftcard commercials SO MUCH because I cannot get it out of my head and this contributes to my insomnia.

33 Weeks

Dear Babies,

This month has, by far, been the hardest. You are running out of room quickly because Mama is so short. Your brothers are starting to get really excited! Although Kolbe doesn't really understand, Rocky is excited to hold his "sistahs".

You are probably weighing in at about 4-5 lbs. I am hoping 5 because I want you chubby and healthy and able to leave the hospital with you! I am a bit nervous for that. If you come too early, you will be hooked up to machines and need to stay longer than Mommy and Daddy. This is just unacceptable!

Your hiccups come and go but you both are getting so big that Mama is in A LOT of pain and can rarely sleep because her legs feel like they have a mind of their own!

Grammy and Grammy Sherry are hard atwork making your nursery something special. All of your Bell County relatives wanted to do something special for you so they are planning some fun and practical things for your room (including PINK CRIBS!).

You both scared Daddy this week when you moved. His hand was on my belly and you moved and he jumped up out of his seat! It was hilarious!

Your lungs are finishing developing so you should be able to breathe on your own if you come next week or after!

I love you both and pray for you faith in God. NEVER WORRY! It is like paying interest on a loan you have not taken out yet. Thank you for coming into our lives when you did because I needed you!

The Start of Week 32

It has been a while and a whirlwind of events. Since it is Thanksgiving, I thought it appropriate to focus on my thankfuls.

Being a parent is so difficult... But, not really, if your mantra becomes, "There is no me, only you". When we became young parents, we made the decision to live life a certain way. We chose to live out God's Plan for our family and we know what that means. It means that we will not ever be rich but we will be financially responsible. Afterall, NO ONE on their deathbed talks about how much money they wish they had, but they wish for more family and more time with their family. We will always be busy and sometimes have to leave things undone. We will always be overwhelmed so it would be easier to smile and laugh about misfortune and NEVER make it anyone else's problem. We knew people would judge us and have rude comments to say about the size of our awesome family behind our backs and to our faces. We also know that our kids are the ones people are going to want running things in the future because of how we raise them. And we know that at the end of our lives, they will be there along with their kids giving us a glimpse at our legacies.

I am thankful to my girls. This is the first pregnancy that I have accepted with open arms. The first pregnancy that I have not been scared. The first one where I am completely and totally on God's side. It feels good.

I am thankful to my boys for making me chill out and stop being such a control freak. Showing me the joys of wrestling and that cuddles from your sons are monumental experiences.

I am thankful to my husband for literally ALL that he is.

Pregnancy Update: The girls hiccup constantly and Zoe's bottom is on Molly's head. I can barely walk because I am so sore. I stopped working last week because I knew that I was trying to "make it through" the day and my students deserved more. Good thing I stopped working because my boys and I had TERRIBLE colds all week and are just now getting over them. Three more weeks and we should be good to pop these babies out safely.

Picture to come later!

7 Quick Takes at 26 Weeks

1. I think it is hilarious that my family spends most of their lives in pajamas. I think being pregnant for three years has made us welcome comfort and home!

2. Political (Skip if you must): After watching the VP debates last night, I think it is illogical to oppose abortion except in cases of incest and rape. If you think it is a life, then if someone takes it, it is murder. Murder is NEVER okay.

3. My husband is a saint for dealing with my crazy exhaustion. He lets me sleep in, cleans the house, cooks for the boys, etc. There is no one better than him and he is why our marriage is amazing and the best in the world.

4. I love my sisters. They are beautiful, insightful, and encourage me to be a better person in EVERY way... that is why having big families is a must, if you can. I learn what qualities I want in myself and, very araely, the ones I do not want. ;)

5. I am so blessed to have God control my life. He has made it so that we are having kids when we have extreme energy. He made it so that they are going to be close in age, which will be easier on us in the future. Hard work when we have the energy, and then we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor (i.e. have indentured servants until they are 18! lol).

6. Sometimes, I still find myself judging other families because I think mine is the best. I understand that this is wrong and definitely not true, but it is hard when we love each other SO much and have incredible amounts of fun. ( I just reread this and it sounds so egotistical, but isn't that what blogs are, anyway?)

7. My belly is so incredibly big that I have a VERY hard time breathing. It is funny, but, on days like today, I remember that even though I am SO happy to be having 4 kids in 3 years, it is a difficult feat that sometimes I need to acknowledge.


*Sorry if this post is pretentious, I am feeling VERY blessed and love my family!

The Boys

This isn't a "Dear Babies" post. Though I love writing to my girls, I need to acknowledge my boys.

Rocky,
 I love that you bow your head and pray at meals and before bed. I love that you brush your teeth better than most. I love that you say, "Hmmmmmm, pray for _______" after our evening prayer. You always add in an inanimate object like the elmo balloon or Madusa monster truck but you always remember either Mama, Daddy, Brubber, or Sistahs. I love that you watch over you little brother by making sure that he has toys if he is sad and trying to ask "You Okay?" in order to make sure nothing is seriously wrong. I love that you are always wanting to cook with Mama. I love that you ask Mama to sleep with you at night by whispering "Yay down, Mama". I love that you squeal when I walk through the door after being at work. I love that you throw your dishes in the sink when you are done with a meal and close doors that are left open. Overall, I love the little things that make you one of the best children ever.

Kolbe,
 My sweet cuddler. I love that you are always giving Daddy giant kisses and hugs (although, I would rather you give them to me). I love that you follow your older brother around like he is already your best friend. I love that you freak out if you cannot find your favorite book. I love that you walk around with a blanket over your head making monster noises to scare us. I love that you cover your mouth when you laugh. I love that you watch college football with such interest and focus. I love your sleepy eyes in the morning. I love that you have full on happy conversations with yourself when you first wake up in the morning. I love that you climb on everything in sight. I love that you dance with more rhythm than your father. I love that you attack your brother with kisses goodnight. I love the way you smile at me like we share a secret. You are very special. The kind of person that everyone wants to know. You are my Kolbe boy and I love you!

Week 24

Dear Girls,

What an eventful couple of weeks! I am so blessed to be able to feel you move! This past week we bought a family van. Mama has always wanted a van so I was pumped!

I just got back from your ultrasound. I found out that you are not identical and Mama is excited! I was a bit leary of having identical twins. Your 3D ultrasounds showed us your faces. My heart melted! Zoe, you were a little gymnast with you foot by your face and you reminded me of Kolbe. Molly, you were calm as ever and you remind me of Rocky!

Zoe, We asked Uncle Aaron and Aunt Paulette to be your godparents. Molly, we asked Uncle Bri Bri and Auntie Mar Mar to be yours. I am so thankful that I can rely on them to teach you the ways of our passion, God!

I pray for you daily (and so do your brothers during night prayer). I cannot wait to meet you! Be happy and healthy!

Love,
Mommy

Week 21

Wow! Keeping up with a blog is the last thing I have time for! My graduate school class is a bit demanding and I am POOPED! Here goes...

Dear Babies.... I mean, Dear GIRLS!

Yes, that is right! I said, girls! I am so excited to be able to share my world with some twincesses! Daddy and I found out last Wednesday. At Kolbe's 1st birthday party, we shared the news wiht friends and family. Mama made cupcakes with the letters A and B. Each guest received one. All the A's took a bite and inside was PINK frosting. Then, all the B's took a bite and inside was PINK frosting, again! Auntie Kay Kay and Grammy brought you over some CUTE outfits and I was so excited!

Mama has been exhausted and sick the past couple weeks. The thing that keeps me working so hard in 4th grade and grad school is... YOU! And your brothers, of course. I think I am so tired because you both are growing like weeds! You are both about 11 ounces each and about 10 inches long! Your kicks make me smile. Daddy started to feel them this week, too.

I pray for your safety, happiness, and sanctity everyday and your brothers do, too. Rocky says his prayers every night and prays especially for his "Sistuhs"! I love you both....

Mama

Week 18

Dear Babies,

No picture this week! A little busy with the first full week of school. Mommy and Daddy are so excited for you to get here and a bit apprehensive. You both are about the size of a bell pepper. Your little fingerprints are starting to develop! Oh, I cannot wait to cuddle you both at the same time! Not many people get this opportunity and I am so thankful. The doctor said that we are going to find out your genders in TWO weeks! Yay!

Daddy picked up some Chinese food (wonton soup and crab rangoon...mmm) which I have been thinking a lot about. Mommy has been in a bit of pain recently. I think you should consider being a bit nicer on her... just a thought!

17 Weeks

Dear Babies,

This week brings some pretty exciting things in our family's lives. I had my first day of school today! Mommy loves teaching so much! I am blessed to have found my vocation so early on in life and even more blessed to work at a wonderful school with wonderful friends!

This week also marks your brothers' patron saints' feast days! St. Roch's is August 16th and St. Maximilian Kolbe's is August 14th. Such a big week for us all!

You have been moving around like crazy in there and I am so excited to feel you even more in the coming weeks. You will double your size in the next two weeks and I don't know where you will go!

Daddy is a trooper, running Daddy Daycare and working his job. You are lucky to have such a great example of hard work and sacrifice that you have in your Daddy. You are also lucky to have such wonderful brothers; they are the ones who are making all those car noises all the time.

I love you both with my whole heart. My prayer for you this week is that you find out early on what God wants for you and are always willing to follow HIS will and not your own.

Week 16

Dear Babies,

You are the siz of avacados this week! I love comparing you to fruit because you are so darn sweet! You both have started growing toenails, as well.

Mommy is still always sick and tired. I am trying to keep up a good spirit. Daddy's corny humor and jokes make me smile enough to set me back on track if I get too pitiful.

You guys went on vacation this week to Michigan for Har Har's surprise 60th birthday party. He loves you both so much. He now has 22 grandkids and counting! You are his legacy and he will always protect and take care of you. You also got a new cousin, Keegan. He has been a part of our family for a while but Auntie Kay Kay and Uncle Shawn made it official by adopting him. I hope you learn from their selflessness and unconditional love.

We purchased your car seats and cribs this week. Mommy is such an over organized control freak that we should be ready for you guys next week! lol.

On a personal note, I am so happy with God's plan for our little family... well, not little anymore... Who knew that we would grow at such a rapid rate! I think it is so funny when people ask about Daddy and my having so many kids. But I want you to know the real reason... the love that Daddy and Mommy share wasn't small enough to fit in a small family. We needed to share our love four fold.

Week 15

Dear Babies,

Mommy went to the doctor and they disappointed me by telling me that I had to wait until September for my ultrasound to find out your genders... I am dying! Mama is so excited to find out if your brothers will have more wrestling partners or if is I will have some pretty pink princesses! Ahhh!

This week, you both are the size of an apple! The doctor said that my tummy is measuring 16-18 weeks because you both are SO BIG! Lenny's pulse rate was 145 bpm and Ralph's was 144 bpm. This week, you are beginning to see light. I am told that if Mama shines a light on my belly, you will swim away!

I am praying for your health and sanctity, everyday. Daddy and Mommy are also in the process of looking for a van (we are going to be a six pack as of December). We all love you!

Week 14

Wow, the twins are making me crazy. So much sickness, exhaustion. I realize that I am cooking for two but... WHOA, Nelly! This is insane. I have started feeling Ralph and Lenny (what Matthew affectionately calls them because of them being on the right and left sides :)) move around.

I feel very blessed to have been able to have my nieces and nephews over to my house last night. We made a tarp slip and slide and made sure to use dish soap to increase speed! We had such a great time. I cooked chicken, mac n cheese, and green beans. Cooking for seven kids wasn't all that bad so I am sure that cooking for four will be just fine and dandy... until one of them decides they do not like what I made.

Matthew is, once again, setting the bar extremely high with husbanding... lol. He is trying so hard to deal with my double the hormones. I appreciate him so much. I am starting to get a bit apprehensive about our schedule with the twins. We are already single parents during the week, so I think we will need to really try hard to get in some good 15 minute dates so I don't go crazy. If I wasn't this obsessed with him, I wouldn't care so much! haha.

Anyways, back to the twins. My tummy growing has tapered off. I think I am losing some poundage (because of healthier and smaller meals) in other areas while the babies gain. Ahhhh! I feel so happy to have the twins and be able to burture two children inside of me already! I hate pregnancy so much that this "mother of four under three" should be a cake walk... YEAH RIGHT!

Week 13

At the end of week 13 and it has been a crazy one. With both of my boys I never experiences the crazy cravings that are proverbial of prenatal ventures. Well, it has come two fold (pun definitely intended) with my twins. I made myself a tortilla with honey mustard, cream cheese, bologna, shredded cheese, tomatoes, a pickle and onions. I capped it off with some flamin' hot cheetos and cotton candy. Yikes!

I am a bit less exhausted than I have been. I am thankful for that because I cannot wait to get ready for the new school year. A teacher's favorite time of year is when the center aisle is coated with notebook and crayon displays! My husband has been exceptional recently. Dealing with my complaining and letting my nagging and insults (this pregnancy has made me mean, as well) to the point of sainthood.

The emotional aspect of this week is interesting. This pregnancy has increased my craziness. Like previously stated, I have been a bit of a monster to my husband. I am manic. Extreme happiness and extreme depression. With the boys, I was nicer to him. But he takes it all with a grain of salt and encourages me by singing, "Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing, gonna be alright"... only when he senses that I won't shoot him a mean look for daring to look optimistically at my craziness. In all reality, I am not that bad, I just am not used to this type of mood swing. I am used to fast paced (my family affectionately calls me "Zero to Sixty") emotional roller coasters, not long and drawn out rides!

I was recently able to see just how blessed we were when talking to a friend. We were discussing the addition of the twins and she told me that when she first heard she could not believe we were already pregnant, much less with twins. She then added, but I see you on facebook all the time and you and Matthew seem like awesome parents. It made me so happy to hear someone with no kids who is probably scared to death about having kids close together say that they thought I was doing a good job.

A note to my twins: I am so excited for you to meet your Daddy. He is a different kind of man. He is goofy, loving, encouraging, and the best partner. Not to mention he is SO VERY handsome. If either of you are boys, I could want nothing more than for you to turn out like Daddy. And if either of you are girls, you couldn't dream up a better husband. I love you and look forward to feeling you move more frequently.

The Day My Life Changed Forever

I walked into my first OBGYN appointment with a very "whatever" attitude. I have done this two times before, in two years. I know the old rigmarole, I got this. I made my first appointment at 11 weeks pregnant. Reason being, I was sick of the excitement of wanting an ultrasound to see my babies and ALWAYS having to wait. The first trimester is "Weight, blood pressure, how are you". Little did I know, this appointment was different.

I want to start off by saying, not complaining (although, I have done much of that this go around), this pregnancy has been wickedly hard. I have been nauseous ALL day long and fatigued to an extreme. I have two little guys at home, which has been the excuse of the degree of this exhaustion and sickness. Rocky is two, and Kolbe is 10 months. I have always heard the saying, "The more sick you are, the healthier baby is". Little did I know what I was in for.

I get called back after 25 minutes in the waiting room (you mommies know what I am talking about) only to have my vitals taken and wait another 15 minutes for a nurse. The nurse comes in and tries to find a heart beat with no success. She assures me that everything is fine and it is still early. She goes to get another nurse who has the same problem. They tell me that my midwife will be coming in to try her luck. After my awesome midwife comes in, I feel a bit at ease, but that lasts only a short time before I get bad news... no heart beat, again. I am beyond scared, trying to put on a brave face, feeling so sad that my husband couldn't be at this appointment (he was watching the rascals and this is one of the first he missed). Everyone leaves the room after my midwife tells me that she is getting the Dr. for an ultrasound.

I was calm and trying to put my mind to rest. I kept on reflecting on God's will. If it was his will that I lose this baby, I could deal with it, I was strong. I got very scared when I texted my parents to have them pray. Putting it writing like that made it all the more real. When my midwife poked her head in after 20 minutes of waiting she asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. I had my happy brave face on. My husband texted wanting to know how everything was going. I told him the situation and told him that I would keep him posted.

After almost an hour of waiting for the doctor, I was able to go to the ultrasound room. The doctor asked if I had anyone with me... then it hit me... I had made plans as to how I was going to walk out of the building through the back so as not to scare or disturb anyone in the waiting room. I was planning to drive somewhere and cry and have my husband drop the kids off and meet me.

He started in and I thought I saw the baby... wait, babies? The doctor told me everything was fine and that both babies were fine. Progressing perfectly, each with their own sac and placenta. I was so happy my babies were fine and so sad my husband had missed seeing them jumping around and moving.

I left and called him immediately. "Everything is fine, but I have to tell you something big"... "No..."... "We are having TWINS". My amazingly stable husband laughed and was so supportive. I thought he would freak out, but I guess three pregnancies in three years will get you used to baby news. I was right.

You see, this whole pregnancy, I was convinced that I was having twins. I was extra sick and tired (everyone blamed it on having two toddlers while being pregnant), but I was also showing VERY early (everyone said that with each new pregnancy, I would show a little sooner). I even told my midwife when she asked if I had any concerns (she looked at me like, "oh honey..."). I just knew.

Now, I talk a lot about my wonderful husband. He is strong, calm, loving, and the greatest father. He is agnostic and has always said that he only wants three. Four is chaos, Theresa, I can't do it. My being Catholic throws a little kink in his plan. I always joked that we would get to the third pregnancy and God would give us twins to prove his existence... seriously?

We have a million worries. How will I continue grad school (which I have to if I want to keep my job)? What type of car will we get? How are we going to afford it all? Does this mean our plan to be out of debt in five is a lost cause?

With all the questions, one thing remains. Our love, paired with God's awesome gift of life... or lives... has awarded us the opportunity to get four souls to heaven, to be selfless in sharing our love for each other with our children, to live a crazy life. I am blessed beyond belief and now I will try to make it to adoration today to praise God for his gifts.

Distraction Parenting

While I am only a mother of two... welp, actually three with my little Bubbles in the belly... I think that I have made a common mistake in parenting. I have chosen to be a "distraction parent" more times than I would like to admit.

While I love teaching my children lessons by experience, sometimes while "distraction parenting" I choose to take them away from a situation rather than have them learn from it.

This happens when Rocky is throwing an awful temper tantrum in the store and I look for the nearest exit or try to find the little carton of goldfish in the check out lane. I truly am only trying to be a thoughtful patron, however, I know that being a thoughtful patron is not nearly as important as teaching my child that the grocery is not the time nor the place to throw a fit.

I look to my mother and father for wisdom in parenting because of this. She was not afraid to handle our behavior on the spot. Yes, she was probably VERY embarrassed of our actions and wanted to run us out of the store, but she stuck the course and was able to teach us proper behavior in public.

I also look to the example of my father. He always took us to restaurants, even from the time we were infants. This now is thought of as an inconvenience instead of a much needed learning experience. There may have been one or AT THE MOST two times that we acted out. I am sure that there were times when my father was embarrassed, very few because he was strict. The point was that we knew that Dad would make us leave, we wouldn't get an awesome dessert, and we would have 5 other kids mad at us for losing this privilege for them. My sister and brothers were very helpful in making me who I am today because of their guilt trips if one got the others in trouble. Needless to say, we ALWAYS behaved in public because of these helpful experiences.

I look at my siblings today and see that my parents did something right because we all turned out pretty great, hard working, loving, and spiritual adults (I will deny this when I am mad at a sibling for doing something dumb). I guess what I am getting at is that the only lessons that make great adults are the hard ones. We shouldn't be scared to parent in fear of being "too mean".

I will end with a quote that my dad used when talking about doing the right thing even if it wasn't the most popular, "Big men become big by doing things they don't want to do when they don't want to do it because they know it's right".

My Husband

I know my husband would kill me if he knew this was up (good thing he hates blogs and therefore never reads mine!). I cannot resist to describe the reality of my life. Matthew and I are blessed with children. He, however, is not so blessed to work the night shift (10pm-4am). I work as a teacher (7am-4pm). Now, some might think this could work easily... that is, until they realize that he watches the kids in, somewhat of a "Daddy Daycare" situation.

He wakes up with the boys at 7am when I go to work and might, if he is really lucky, get a nap in during the time he is with them. I get home at 4pm and we have a fifteen minute chat until he has to go to sleep. He goes to bed and wakes up at 9pm to shower and shave before work. He leaves for work and returns at 4am to eat and get an hour of sleep before it starts all over again.

Some might think, "Whoa, what a devoted father and husband"... but the story does not end there.On the weekends (his one time to sleep a full 7 hours), he usually wakes up and wants to hang out with me! Lucky girl, I am! He actually chooses me over sleep, his friends, his music (which I know he loves dearly), and anything else... this is why we work. He puts me number one on his list and I put him just the same on mine.

I am more lucky than anyone can imagine... But it doesn't end there!

My husband is agnostic (he knows that he doesn't know), yet he takes myself and our children to mass every Sunday. He also works hard to understand my views on life and reproduction and follow them for my sake... if that is not true love (sacrificing for the good of the other), I do not know what is.

He is the best man in the world... I won't post this to facebook because he is a humble and modest guy, but I will tell whoever reads this, girls should strive to get what I have got... Love

THE Church

After reading a blog about how Pope Benedict has revealed that the church will become small, it is of no surprise to me. I say this because it is easier, on the surface, the stry from the church because of the "harsh requirements". It is easier to focus on the "unattainable" moral code that The Faith suggests. However, in looking at my own life, one thing rings true. In moments of weakness I have so much distain for my negative behavior, that I try to ignore it all together and project my responsibility on others.


When I got pregnant with my second baby, six months, mind you, after my first son, Rocky was born, I immedicately said that something needed to be done. I could not be catholic anymore if it meant that I had to have a kid every year. I was going to get myself "taken care of" or my husband would.


The first thing I did was talk to my colleagues at school (who I knew would tell me what I wanted to hear). They, out of love for me and worry about my pain), told me that "God would understand". Now do not get this twisted, I love my colleagues with my whole self. I work with the best teachers in the world, but I know what I believe and I purposely asked someone who opposed what I believe to make MYSELF feel better.


I then talked to my sister. Her reaction was opposite. In fact, her reaction was to call me selfish and hang up on me (later we would laugh about this and how it didn't have anything to do with our relationship, but what we were each dealing with at that time). This made me even more mad at my "Strict, Mean, Old, Angry Church".


I knew in my heart that I needed to be guided by someone who was well-versed in the faith. Now, my faith was weak, but through that weakness, God was able to worm his way in how he thankfully has done everytime my doubt gets the best of me. I met with our parish priest at the time, Fr. Mark of Christ the Kind Cathedral. I went without Matthew, my husband, because he works third shift and needed to get some sleep. I went in hopes that Fr. Mark would give me the answer I wanted to hear (which is the case with most in spiritual disarray). He, instead, gave me the answer I needed to hear. "The church is very straight forward about life issues and always has been". He gave me another priest to meet with if I had further questions and also gave me "Humanae Vitae" to read. His advice was to start a stronger devotion to Mary, the mother of God. To pray that through the Blessed Mother, I would recieve strength to follow the truth, which is not always the easiest path.


I met with the next priest with my husband. I went in with a hardened heart. Angry and almost faithless in my Church, who had "wronged me" by not making it okay to do something wrong, I walked in. We talked and the flood gates opened. I was crying uncontrollably and later, I would realize that this was because I already knew my answer. I left with the heavy realization that I knew what had to be done.... I had to trust in the everpresent and omniscent God that I loved so dearly and just didn't want to disappoint.


My devotion to the Blessed Mother continued as I prayed the rosary to and from work everyday, as Fr. Mark suggested. Through her intercession, my heart was softened, and I started to have some extra faith in God. Through God's mother, I was brought back to the Lord I so love. During this time, before the birth of my son, my mindset did a 180. I was able to realize that God's plan is better than my own. That I should work with God's gift of my fertility to faithfully and prayerfully TRY my BEST to follow him through HIS will. I finally realized that if I truly believe he is all knowing, all loving and all deserving of my love, he also knows best for me. It was finally about HIM.


The point I am trying to make is that I was a "strict" catholic and I struggled deeply with The Faith. In reality, I struggled with my own conscience and relationship with God. It wasn't easy to follow his path for me in regards to sexuality and reproduction, but I tried. I am still trying. It is a constant struggle to work with God and to lovingly follow his guiding light for me. I will always struggle, but it is the fires of that struggle on Earth, that I come out purified and renewed with MY GOD in HEAVEN. My Lord and My God, I love thee!


God with God, Ya'll! hahaha!

Trying to Find the Good

I pack of both kiddos after a quick small dinner and head to City County Park. Making some children's day is on my mind. I drive over anticipating the smiles I will see on their faces. After unpacking our double stroller, and placing both boys in, I get started on my trek to the soccer fields. Some of my students asked me to come see them play their games.

Two under is interesting to say the least. It is busy and hectic.... and completely worth it. They both keep their smiles on until the very end of the game when Rocky starts heading to the swings, completely determined to "sweenin'". He loves the swings and playing with others kids.

On our way, Rocky passes a family and starts to talk to their son. It looks like he may want to go home with them. They are kind and we laugh, as passing parents usually do. We get to the swings and start with Rocky and Kolbe's favorite activity (I swear they could swing for hours). Then I see a woman with a two year old who is telling her friends that she has taught her son to fight and he can "scrap" with kids who are older than him. This all happened because of another boy chasing him (by the way, they were totally playing around).

I guess I am just astounded at the lack of good parenting there is sometimes. Look, I am not saying I am a saint... but, seriously? I try my hardest to always show my kids what you should do and how Jesus would act (as cheesy as that sounds). When did we lose the manners and respect that the previous generation had. When did we stop holding doors for the elderly, smiling at people who look at you instead of wanting to "scrap" with them? When did we all become so self indulgent that we think we are the only ones that matter and therefore, everyone else can go pound sand?

I just wish that, as a teacher, we could break this awful cycle of raising hellions and then wondering why they are so bad.